Another half a year has gone by. What is the significance one may ask? After all, we know that time passes by every year with a mere snap of the finger. I was thinking that after 27 years of this, going through year 2006 will be just like any other year; piece of cake. It looks that way on the surface. However underneath it all is a volcano that is waiting to erupt especially when the calendar hits 30th June. Seventeen days after this date will be the day I commemorate my birth.
(People! Get your flags out imprinted with my portrait, hail me and march down the street singing my name. Enhance it with fireworks while you are at it.)
Although, I do not wish to make a huge deal out of it, it nags me. Every year it pesters me. I could still remember how my mother’s constant nag fails to faze me. The ‘one ear in and one ear out’ mode turns on magically. However, this ‘getting older’ nag gets louder every year. The ‘one ear in and one ear out’ mode does not switch on no matter how hard I try. The switch somehow does not work in this scenario, very much like a freaking light bulb that does not turn on no matter how many times you toggle with its switch. Switch…switch….come on…..switch switch switch switch..Turn on you damn thing…you get the message.
I fear time not because I fear having younglings at an old age. Sure there is a higher chance they may come out mentally challenged but that is the least of my concern currently. Instead, I fear that I will lose my youthful luster, my physical ability to bounce back if I should put on more weight and want to lose the fat. I seriously do not want to look like muffin top when I wear certain clothes. Most of all I fear not being ‘where’ I want to be as the year goes by.
Every year healthy folks perform a checklist on their lives. It can happen anytime i.e. at the end of the year, beginning of the year, your anniversary breakup with your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend, birth date, someone else’s funeral date etc. you get the picture.
("The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates)
My checklist clearly points out to me that my progress has been rather pitiable. Allow me to rephrase. My checklist clearly points out to me that my progress has been slow on the uptake. Since 18 I told myself that I will be on my way to being wealthy, my ultimate goal. Give me 10 years I will get there. Ten #%!!* years have passed and from where I stand today, nothing happened. I was still studying between age 18 to 22 when I came up with these great ideas on how to get to my ultimate goal. These bright ideas did not take flight. Usually something is in the way or perhaps these ideas are not so bright after all (stop snickering). I shall not delve into details at this point.
Nonetheless, at 23 I found my first job and I look at my first paycheck in awe thinking ‘YES! I AM GOING TO BE RICH!!!’. As naïve as it sounded, I clearly knew my paycheck was not going to make me rich like Donald Trump or Oprah and wealthy like Warren Buffet or The Hiltons but it sure felt great to receive that first paycheck. After 4 years I am better positioned financially but definitely neither rich nor wealthy. Although not anywhere near my goal, my career is on track thus far.
Despite all this, I have a long way to go as I am not anywhere close to starting the journey of reaching my goal as I am in the process of relocation. For 3 years I screamed at my inability to make the decision to either remain home or start my life in a brand new environment. I stood still at this crossroad for 3 years and we know that 3 years is a long time to make a decision. Finally after going through trials, tribulations, proper examination and perhaps some wrong raison d'être, I gathered enough guts to come to a conclusion to start anew in a foreign land. I must admit I do lose ground and doubt that this decision is the right one. Missing home, lack of quality friendships, pangs of loneliness, bouts of unhappiness, relationship failure sure destroys my confidence. Knocking some common sense into my head to stay on track, the tough part was over I thought. I thought wrong. This decision was accompanied with obstacles.
As I narrated my self-absorbed life to my counterparts, they always remind me that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. What these condescending jokers fail to elaborate is that when life gives you lemons, life does not hand you lemons gently. In fact, life throws lemons at you. Not one or two lemons but MANY lemons. As a normal functioning human being, how many lemons can one catch and juggle at once? Hey, kudos to you out there who can at least juggle 3 lemons simultaneously. Juggle I am certainly not great at. How about catching these lemons even if one cannot juggle? As avoidance is definitely out of the question, I have certainly missed catching plenty not to mention being pelt by those incoming lemons. The upside of this is that I come out smelling lemony (Smell me if you are not convinced). Anyway, life’s a bitch thus, cut your losses and move on. Sounds easy, isn’t it?
It will be all right as I convinced myself. All I need to do now is to maintain a positive outlook, be focus and progress with the task at hand. Nevermind the grumblings from relatives, godparents and parents about my love life. That can wait, yes?
To be continued……
(People! Get your flags out imprinted with my portrait, hail me and march down the street singing my name. Enhance it with fireworks while you are at it.)
Although, I do not wish to make a huge deal out of it, it nags me. Every year it pesters me. I could still remember how my mother’s constant nag fails to faze me. The ‘one ear in and one ear out’ mode turns on magically. However, this ‘getting older’ nag gets louder every year. The ‘one ear in and one ear out’ mode does not switch on no matter how hard I try. The switch somehow does not work in this scenario, very much like a freaking light bulb that does not turn on no matter how many times you toggle with its switch. Switch…switch….come on…..switch switch switch switch..Turn on you damn thing…you get the message.
I fear time not because I fear having younglings at an old age. Sure there is a higher chance they may come out mentally challenged but that is the least of my concern currently. Instead, I fear that I will lose my youthful luster, my physical ability to bounce back if I should put on more weight and want to lose the fat. I seriously do not want to look like muffin top when I wear certain clothes. Most of all I fear not being ‘where’ I want to be as the year goes by.
Every year healthy folks perform a checklist on their lives. It can happen anytime i.e. at the end of the year, beginning of the year, your anniversary breakup with your ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend, birth date, someone else’s funeral date etc. you get the picture.
("The unexamined life is not worth living." Socrates)
My checklist clearly points out to me that my progress has been rather pitiable. Allow me to rephrase. My checklist clearly points out to me that my progress has been slow on the uptake. Since 18 I told myself that I will be on my way to being wealthy, my ultimate goal. Give me 10 years I will get there. Ten #%!!* years have passed and from where I stand today, nothing happened. I was still studying between age 18 to 22 when I came up with these great ideas on how to get to my ultimate goal. These bright ideas did not take flight. Usually something is in the way or perhaps these ideas are not so bright after all (stop snickering). I shall not delve into details at this point.
Nonetheless, at 23 I found my first job and I look at my first paycheck in awe thinking ‘YES! I AM GOING TO BE RICH!!!’. As naïve as it sounded, I clearly knew my paycheck was not going to make me rich like Donald Trump or Oprah and wealthy like Warren Buffet or The Hiltons but it sure felt great to receive that first paycheck. After 4 years I am better positioned financially but definitely neither rich nor wealthy. Although not anywhere near my goal, my career is on track thus far.
Despite all this, I have a long way to go as I am not anywhere close to starting the journey of reaching my goal as I am in the process of relocation. For 3 years I screamed at my inability to make the decision to either remain home or start my life in a brand new environment. I stood still at this crossroad for 3 years and we know that 3 years is a long time to make a decision. Finally after going through trials, tribulations, proper examination and perhaps some wrong raison d'être, I gathered enough guts to come to a conclusion to start anew in a foreign land. I must admit I do lose ground and doubt that this decision is the right one. Missing home, lack of quality friendships, pangs of loneliness, bouts of unhappiness, relationship failure sure destroys my confidence. Knocking some common sense into my head to stay on track, the tough part was over I thought. I thought wrong. This decision was accompanied with obstacles.
As I narrated my self-absorbed life to my counterparts, they always remind me that when life gives you lemons, you make lemonade. What these condescending jokers fail to elaborate is that when life gives you lemons, life does not hand you lemons gently. In fact, life throws lemons at you. Not one or two lemons but MANY lemons. As a normal functioning human being, how many lemons can one catch and juggle at once? Hey, kudos to you out there who can at least juggle 3 lemons simultaneously. Juggle I am certainly not great at. How about catching these lemons even if one cannot juggle? As avoidance is definitely out of the question, I have certainly missed catching plenty not to mention being pelt by those incoming lemons. The upside of this is that I come out smelling lemony (Smell me if you are not convinced). Anyway, life’s a bitch thus, cut your losses and move on. Sounds easy, isn’t it?
It will be all right as I convinced myself. All I need to do now is to maintain a positive outlook, be focus and progress with the task at hand. Nevermind the grumblings from relatives, godparents and parents about my love life. That can wait, yes?
To be continued……
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